Torchwood Five (Torchwood New Zealand) was set up in the year of 2009 to aid older branches of this illustrious organisation in the pursuits of shooting aliens in the face, fighting the heteronormative stereotypes of 21st century Earth and shouting our agency name extremely authoritatively at civilians to alert them to get out of the way. Due to the low population density of Torchwood Five's home colony, there is no one central headquarters (though even if there was, its location would totally be secret, just like us); instead, agents are based around the country to track local phenomena.
One of the best things about belonging to a secret alien-fighting organisation is the advanced technology agents have access to. Here at Torchwood Five, all employees are required to be capable of using both Google and hard-copy resources such as phone books to complete their duties. Due to local trends in violence-causing implements, agents are not equipped with firearms, though we do have a single tomahawk airplane (mounted with tomahawk missiles), making us officially better equipped than the New Zealand Air Force.
There are many unexplained phenomena in New Zealand that require a Torchwood outpost on hand. Some of these include: the species categorisation of politician Winston Peters (as we are aware from records, politicians are often aliens in disguise - refer to the incident in London when 10 Downing Street was destroyed, leaving Flydale North MP Harriet Jones one of the most senior staff remaining, as well as the case of Mayor Margaret Blaine of Cardiff later that same year); possible psychic manipulation in Cuba Street, resulting in the overwhelming likelihood of meeting someone you know whether you intend to or not; also the mysterious purpose behind various "decorative" installments across the country, eg Wellington's bucket fountain.
Though of course the absolute secrecy of Torchwood prevents the revealing of the identities of any employees, several staff use anonymous call-signs or pseudonyms, allowing them to operate without fear of being tracked down.
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This page is a work of parody stemming from the livejournal of Ianto Jones and affiliated works of fiction. We do not advise shooting aliens in the face. We do advise fighting the heteronormative stereotypes of the 21st century. Thank you from the people of New Zealand and fans thereof.